Full Circle
by Kla1987
Summary: This is my take on how Olivia learns to heal and move on with her life after the Defiance debacle and the subsequent breakup with Fitz. This is my first fanfic, so please feel free to review - I love feedback! Also - none of the characters featured in this fiction are mine, nor are the song lyrics at the beginning of each chapter. Each belong to their respective creator. Enjoy
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

_So tell me when you hear my heart stop,_  
_You're the only one that knows_  
_Tell me when you hear my silence,_  
_There's a possibility I wouldn't know_

"Possibility" Lykke Li

Olivia sat facing the window as the rain poured outside. She sighed quietly to herself, mentally trying to muster up the will to get dressed.

For the last ten months she had functioned on auto-pilot, acting in a manner that could only be described as one step above being completely catatonic. Fitz's words to her at Verna's funeral constantly reverberated through her head, and her near complete detachment was the only way she could deal with the pain.

But today was different – today she would see him, and she needed to prepare herself as best as she could. Cyrus had, in what she was sure was some sort of sick joke on the part of the Universe, selected her and Fitz to be god parents to baby Ella. She knew missing the child's christening was out of the question, and she resigned herself to the fact that today would simply not be a good day for her. Fighting the urge to simply climb back into the billowy mass of down pillows piled high on her bed, Olivia somehow managed to shower and dress herself. She styled her hair and applied hr makeup so that she appeared (from the outside) to be some semblance of her former self. When she was finished the reflection in the mirror bore no signs of the pain and grief that wracked her from within, and for that much, she was grateful.

When she arrived at the church for the ceremony, her stomach was in knots. The sensation of apprehension was an unusual one, and she wasn't sure whether the sudden rush of feeling after having spent so long without it was a welcome change or not. Steeling herself and putting on her best "I'm Olivia Pope" face, she entered the gathering and began to mingle.

She did her best at appearing normal, all the while carefully avoiding the First Family. She only felt her resolve begin to slip when she and Fitz held baby Ella in both their arms before the priest. It was then that she was forced to look into his eyes and see the wariness and mistrust with which he watched her. The sheer loathing that she felt emanating from his was overwhelming, and at this close range she began to feel claustrophobic. The way in which he instantly recoiled as their hands accidentally brushed during those few moments was enough to nearly send her over the edge. She knew that she would not last long before falling apart completely, and decided it would be best if she left as soon as possible.

After a single drink and the obligatory toast following the ceremony, Olivia discreetly made her way away from the party and headed toward her car. She knew that he had followed her, though, long before he pulled her into the closet. She was always hyperaware of his presence; that much had not changed. Still, she did not expect him to pull her into the tiny room and kiss her with such ferocious intensity.

The ensuing tryst was full of passion and desperation and need and in it she found herself allowing for hope for the first time in almost a year. She felt those walls she'd built begin to crumble, and let herself finally imagine that they could somehow work things out. She understood that he was hurting, that they were both hurting, but she tried to communicate to him through their lovemaking that she still very much loved and needed him, and that she was willing to work toward repairing what had been lost between them.

When it was over she attempted to begin a dialogue between them, trying to apologize and somehow make him understand. However, the cold words that he spoke to her in return stopped her instantly. He'd made it clear in his last statement to her that there was nowhere left to go and nothing left to say.

As Fitz walked away from her for what would likely be the last time, Olivia gathered her things in a daze. She made her way outside hurriedly, not caring about the rain or her appearance, and barely making it to her car before the tears began to fall. Finally, alone and safe within the confines of her Mercedes, Olivia Pope finally allowed herself to break.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Loving you, isn't the right thing to do  
How can I ever change things that I feel?  
If I could, baby I'd give you the world  
How can I, when you won't take it from me?  
You can go your own way  
You can call it another lonely day

"Go Your Own Way" Fleetwood Mac

It was Harrison who discovered her huddled into the plush leather seats of her car, several hours later. Cyrus had noticed that her car was still there as he and James prepared to leave the reception, but had not wanted to disturb her. Cyrus knew well enough from the look on Fitz's face as he re-entered the party that their brief encounter had not gone well, and he thought it best to call someone for Olivia instead of trying to intervene himself.

When Harrison arrived and knocked on her window, he was greeted by a smaller, sulkier version of his boss. Her hair and dress were rumpled and all that remained of her makeup were thin black trails of mascara that had somehow made their way down her face. Her nose and cheeks were swollen, and she had a bruise on the inside of her knee that was obviously self-inflicted. The woman that he saw before him looked to be merely a shell of the Olivia Pope that he knew and loved. Harrison decided there and then that he had had all he would take of this new, mopey Olivia.

Harrison picked Olivia up and moved her over to the passenger side of her car before climbing behind the wheel. He took a moment to locate her keys and buckle her in before heading off to her apartment. Once inside, he tried to convince a once-again catatonic Olivia that she needed a bath to relax. When he realized that his attempts at breaking through her haze were going unnoticed, he decided to run an ice-cold bath in her large garden tub before coming into her bedroom to plead with Olivia one last time. She again ignored his words, and did not seem to notice when he picked her up gingerly and carried her over to the tub before depositing her, clothed and all, into the freezing water. The iciness of the bath must have shocked her, because the next words that came from her mouth were something that Harrison had never expected to hear Olivia Pope say.

"Harrison! What the fuck is wrong with you!?"

Had it not been such a shock to him, Harrison might have found her use of the expletive against him amusing. She was, after all, THE Olivia Pope, a woman who rarely lost her cool about anything.

Breaking free from his reverie, he looked back at Olivia, who was standing before him, visibly furious. Her wet hair and dripping white dress accented the outline of her slim frame, and showed just how much weight she had lost as a result of this depression over the last months. Still, he could see that the anger he had evoked in her had already brought some color to her pale face, and made him even more sure that this was what she needed in order to be able to grieve and move on.

"I said, Harrison – what the FUCK is wrong with you?"

His reply was simple – "What? You needed someone to bring you out of this daze of yours, since you clearly think that you have nothing better to do than mope about all day, as if your life is over."

With that, she began to cry again, wailing, "My life IS over, Harrison – don't you get it?! Everything that was important to me is now gone – I want it to be over!"

Harrison knew then that this situation called for more than simply shocking Olivia with water, he needed her to rally the strength within herself to keep going; he needed to remind her of just who she was.

With that he began one of his infamous speeches, reminding Olivia that was indeed THE Olivia Pope, and that there were fires to put out and situations to handle, people who loved her, needed her, and depended on her outside of these walls. He told her that she had spent long enough mourning over what had been lost, and that she owed it to herself and to her family and friends to keep on living.

"The Olivia Pope that I know and love and respect would not fall apart just because a man said that he didn't want her anymore, no matter who the man was. The Olivia Pope that I know, the Olivia Pope that I would gladly go over a cliff and into any battle for, would pick herself up, dust herself off, and MOVE ON. I don't know who you are or what you have done with MY Olivia Pope, but I am here to tell you that this ends now. Break things, yell, scream, fight, whatever you need to do, but you need to end this tonight. We won't deal with anymore of this sorry self-pity – not from Olivia Pope."

With that, Harrison walked out of the door and left a stunned Olivia standing in her bathtub to pick up the pieces of her pride.

She stood there for a moment, trying to process what had just happened, before slowly turning and facing the mirror. For the first time in months, she really truly looked at herself, and was shocked at what she saw. She thought that she had been able to hide so well the toll that this ordeal had taken on her, but she saw now that she had fooled no one. Her hair lacked luster, and her pallor was almost gray, a stark contrast from the chestnut brown she usually wore. She had dropped at least 20 pounds from her already slender frame, and she was even able to see some of her ribs through the cold wet outline of her dress. She was a mess!

Seeing herself like this, clearly for the first time in months, seemed to ignite a spark in her mind. She went from melancholy and forlorn to seething with rage in just the few moments that it took to look herself over thoroughly. Suddenly she realized that it was fine for Fitzgerald Grant to hate her, because she hated him just as much. How dare he make her love him, make her believe in the few stolen moments that they had together, and then throw her away because he discovered that she wasn't quite as perfect as he thought. He had abused and manipulated her before as well – let's not forget how he tried to use her to get rid of Amanda Tanner not all that long ago. He had also been married the entire time – he had allowed their relationship to continue, all the while knowing that his heart was no longer his to give. He had taken everything, and given nothing, and now she realized that's exactly what she was left with – nothing. Instead of feeling sad about this again, though, she only now felt loathing. She hated Fitzgerald Grant with an intensity that was only rivaled by that of which she loved him.

She spent the rest of her night screaming and crying and throwing things with abandon. She broke every item in her home that even remotely reminded her of him, downing a bottle of wine and listening to angsty blues music about women scorned. She allowed herself to feel the powerful feelings of guilt and anger and frustration and love and loss one more time, before collapsing on her bed from sheer exhaustion.

Tomorrow morning she would get up and return to her life as usual, but tonight, she allowed herself to work through the awful feelings necessary for her to finally let go.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Thank you all for the wonderful reviews – I am glad that you are enjoying reading my take on the development of these characters as much as I am writing about them. Looking forward to reading more feedback from this next installment! Also, this is a fairly short chapter, but I'm planning on finishing the next one and having it ready to post no later than tomorrow. Stay with me guys, we're about to take a few turns off script! **

**Also, I'd love to hear/see which songs you all would like to have included in the "soundtrack" for this story – feel free to post song suggestions in the comments as well.**

Chapter Three

_And I'm damned if I do, and I'm damned if I don't_  
_So here's to drinks in the dark, at the end of my road_  
_And I'm ready to suffer, and I'm ready to hope_  
_It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat 'cause_  
_Looking for heaven found the devil in me, looking for heaven found the devil in me_  
_But what the hell, I'm gonna let it happen to me_

_"Shake it Out" Florence and the Machine_

The next day, Olivia woke up feeling a little lighter. She couldn't deny that she still hurt, and she knew that it would take a while still for her to fully let go and move on from Fitz. The kind of love that they shared, so heartbreaking and painful in its intensity, did not just go away from one night of drinking and breaking things. Still, the experience had been cathartic, and she now felt ready to move on the path toward healing.

Olivia entered the office of Olivia Pope and Associates the next day looking more alive than she had in months, shocking everyone except Harrison, who beamed with pride at the sight of his boss's improved demeanor. The team gathered in the conference room and began working the case of the day, a (potentially)scandalous affair had been revealed between a United States Ambassador and the daughter of a foreign diplomat – a daughter who, by US standards, was underage. Of course, this put the Ambassador in a precarious position, as the young woman's family was now demanding that he wed her and take her into his family, after learning that she had become pregnant.

Olivia immediately shifted into high gear, instructing her team to do as much research as possible about how much of the Ambassador's relationship with the girl was public knowledge already. She also had a face to face chat with the Ambassador himself, who, although ashamed of the situation that he was now facing, held fast to the notion that he was in love with the young woman. He pointed out that, though she, at 17, was young by United States standards, he had not actually broken the laws of the governing country in which he resided at the time. Olivia chided the Ambassador for being so cavalier about the fiasco, and reminded him that, although he might not be judged in a court of law, the court of public opinion would skewer him for this without her being able to put it in the proper perspective. She lamented that "child brides" are about as popular with the American public as "men marrying their mistresses", and stated that he would do well to downplay the potentially criminal aspects of his relationship with the girl.

She decided on a plan of action that the couple would simply present themselves as a typical May-December romance, playing up the fact that they were in love and making no mention of the girl's true age. Olivia insisted that their best bet would be to make the girl appear as sophisticated and worldly as possible, and to cast her in a role that was wise beyond her years. This, she said, would allow the American public to get to know her as his wife first, before fully realizing that she is only 17.

The two participated in a private ceremony, blending elements of the traditions of both their cultures, before announcing to the world that they had wed. Once the public was introduced to the young woman, who really was unlike any American teenager that Olivia had ever met in terms of maturity and acceptance of responsibility, her age seemed to be almost a non-factor. Sure, there was some backlash from people who wished to paint the Ambassador as a "dirty old man robbing the cradle", but for the most part, America seemed to care very little about the age difference. It was refreshing to see two people overcome such adversity (albeit, most of their own making), and to be able to celebrate their love openly and freely with one another. It gave Olivia hope, not that she and Fitz would ever get back together, but that she would be able to find that love again one day.

As she got home that night, she was in what was arguably the best mood she'd found herself in in quite awhile. So, when the handsome man from the Pentagon whom she'd met days earlier called to ask her out (again), she finally felt that she was in a good enough place to say "yes". She agreed to meet Captain Jake Ballard for dinner and drinks the following evening, and went to bed feeling lighter than she had in months. She slept so soundly that night that she didn't notice the light ticking noise as the tiny camera on her bedside table zoomed in for closer surveillance.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

_Someone once told me that you have to choose  
What you win or lose,  
You can't have everything  
Don't you take chances, you might feel the pain  
Don't you love in vain – love won't set you free_

"_Happy" Leona Lewis_

Olivia was surprised at how quickly she fell for Jake. After nearly a year in self-imposed emotional exile, she had all but forgotten what it was like to smile again. But Jake was a warm and caring man who loved Olivia deeply, and who was fiercely loyal to her. He was a former Navy man, much like Fitz, who had decided to continue serving his country after his time was over by entering into work at the Pentagon. The nature of his work allowed him to understand in a unique way why much of what she did in her everyday life was off limits, but it also gave them both a reason to find respite in each other when the day was done. Theirs was a whirlwind romance that came on quickly and quietly while no one was watching – at least, that's what she thought.

Fitz had had his secret service operatives install the surveillance equipment at Olivia's home and office, as well as in her car, during their ten month separation. He had watched her daily as she went about her routine, and he had sickly relished her deteriorating state during that time. He knew that he had hurt her deeply, as was his intention; but the magnitude of his feelings for her had not allowed him to stay away from her entirely. Instead, he tortured himself daily in the most brutal form of masochism by allowing himself to revel in memories of her scent, her touch, her taste… His only respite from this agony was his daily confirmation that she was in just as much pain as he was, which he got from his near constant surveillance of her.

Somewhere along the way, though, Fitz's feelings of malice toward Olivia began to subside, giving way to the sheer grief he felt at her loss. He mourned for their love, just as he knew that she did. He even began to forgive her for what she had done, finally recognizing that, whatever her reasons, she had loved him more than anyone else ever had in his life. He also acknowledged that they had both made mistakes in their relationship, and that, as beautiful as she was, she was just human, and just as flawed as everyone else. He took her off the pedestal that he'd set her on so long ago, and found that, when he looked at her as though she were a normal person instead of this perfect thing he'd crafted in his mind, he was still in love with her, maybe even more so now.

He also noticed in his daily watching of Olivia that she was changing, becoming more at peace with herself. She began smiling more and even laughing. She would sing to herself in the shower and hum along to the songs on the radio as she was driving in her car. It didn't take long for Fitz to figure out the reason for the change, although once he did he sorely wished that he hadn't. Finding out that she had finally moved on broke his heart in ways that he never thought possible.

Olivia was grateful for having Jake in her life. He was fun and easygoing and carefree, and she loved that what they shared was so deliciously uncomplicated. After her relationship with Fitz, which had been so fraught with heartache and grief and passion and secrets, it was nice to have someone with whom she could relax and walk around in the light, holding hands and enjoying each other's company without concern for who might find out. She felt herself growing stronger and stronger each day, and she no longer cried every night for Fitz.

Not long after Fitz's inauguration for his second and final term as President of the United States, Jake asked Olivia to marry him. She was so genuinely happy that she immediately said yes to becoming Mrs. Captain Jake Ballard. Yet, somewhere in the back of her mind, Fitz's face appeared, and she died just a little on the inside. That night, after much celebrating of their upcoming nuptials, Olivia crept away from a sleeping Jake and out onto the balcony of her apartment to look up at the moon. For just the barest of moments, she allowed herself to feel the grief that washed over her, knowing that, although she was happy, she had always pictured celebrating this day and this occasion with a different man. She allowed herself to sigh his name, "_Fitz_" just one last time, and then returned to bed next to her sleeping fiancé.

Quietly, on the other side of town, inside the Oval Office, Fitzgerald Grant finally broke.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

_So what do you say when it's all gone away?  
Baby I didn't mean to hurt you  
Truth spoke in whispers will tear you apart  
No matter how hard you resist it  
It never rains when you want it to…  
You humble me, Lord, you humble me, Lord  
I'm on my knees, empty… you humble me  
- "Humble Me" Norah Jones_

Fitz had been on a downward spiral since learning about Olivia's engagement to Jake Ballard. His moods shifted between irritable and sullen, and he wanted no part of anything those around him offered to cheer him up. It had gotten so bad that Mellie, after repeated failed attempts to "take care of him" herself, had finally decided to consent to a divorce.

"I am sick of you trampling all over me just because it makes you feel a little better about that whore not wanting you anymore! NEWS FLASH – she's moved on! She doesn't want your sick, sad, sorry ass anymore! And I get that you don't want me, that I will never be your precious 'Livvie'. I get it and that is fine – you don't have to want me Fitzgerald Thomas Grant, III! I know exactly where to go to find someone who does. I am sick of fighting for this presidency and for you and this marriage! Do you even think you are the type of man that the great and wonderful Olivia Pope would even consider at this point?! You are pathetic, you are a loser, you are over, and I am DONE with this marriage and with you!..."

Mellie's incessant droning seemed to go on forever as Fitz poured himself another glass of bourbon and allowed his eyes to glaze over. Why couldn't she just get the hint? He didn't care about her, or about whether she left or stayed. Somewhere inside of him it registered that she had said she would go ahead with the divorce, and he made a mental note to have his attorney serve her (again) with the papers while she was still angry and irrational enough to actually make good on her threat.

Otherwise, he realized that Mellie was absolutely right about what she had said – he wasn't the man that Olivia deserved or wanted or needed, not anymore. He knew that he needed to get it together somehow… but he needed to see her. He needed to talk to Olivia face to face and finally get everything out in the open between them.

He went to the surveillance cameras and turned them on for the first time in weeks. He had not allowed himself to look at them since the night that he learned of Olivia's engagement, afraid that he would go insane if he had to continue watching her knowing that she would soon be married to someone else. He quickly ascertained her agenda for the day, and noted that Jake would be out of town for the next few days on special assignment from the Pentagon (something that he may or may not have specifically requested in a phone call to the head of the FBI earlier that morning). He decided it would be best to visit her at home, and began developing a game plan.

Olivia's heart stopped when she heard the knock on her door just after 2 am. She knew that Jake was out on a top secret assignment, and she found herself dreading answering the door for fear that there was bad news on the other side. She reached the door and peered through the peephole, her breath catching in her throat as she found Fitzgerald Grant standing on the other side. She very seriously thought about simply pretending not to be home, or to be asleep, but she knew better. She knew he wasn't leaving until he got whatever it was that he came for, and she also knew that they were well over-due for this conversation. Steeling herself, she opened the door and let Fitz in.

For several long moments, they simply stared at each other in silence. Her mind was reeling from him being in such close proximity, but she knew better than to lose herself right now. Although they had once been deeply in love, the man standing in front of her was a complete stranger. He was someone who had, many times over, hurt her in ways that were previously unimaginable, and she needed to remember that.

"What do you want, Fitz?"

Her words came out cold and guarded, and it cut him to the core. How could she be so cold after all that she had put him through? How dare she? He felt the contempt he'd held onto these last months begin to bubble up inside of him, but it stopped short of reaching the surface. He attempted a strong front, but wound up feeling and looking defeated in front of her. He could never be angry with her while she was standing in front of him, looking worried and sick and afraid, and still ethereal. She was still his beautiful angel, still the woman who was his lifeblood. He suddenly hated himself for being so weak in her presence.

"I just wanted to see you, and to ask you why you did what you did."

She had figured as much, and took a deep breath, before laying it all out there for him to see. "I did what I did, Fitz, because I was weak. I wanted something great for you, and I knew that there was no way to get you there without cheating. I was too far gone in our relationship to notice the flaws and cracks that had begun to show in the façade we created for you and Mellie until it was too late to fix it. There wasn't any other way to win, and I simply could not let you lose. I sold my soul so that you could be President, and I have lived with the guilt of that every day since."

She spoke to him so candidly that it was easy to buy into the lie. He knew better though. He knew that she had gotten something out of the deal, they all had. He needed to know if it was worth it.

"So you expect me to believe that you did all of this for me, Olivia? I'm not an idiot. I know that you all got something out of the deal. What did you get, Olivia? What did you get, and was it worth giving up what we had?"

Olivia sucked in her breath, and exhaled slowly before responding, "No, Fitz, it wasn't. What I got was a lifetime without the only man with whom I've ever experienced true, deep love with. What I got was a secret that I will have to carry to my grave. What I got was a huge black spot on my white hat that I've been trying to scrub clean ever since."

"Don't romanticize this, Olivia," Fitz started, "You also got to launch Olivia Pope and Associates to great success as soon as you left the White House. You gained fame and notoriety for having turned my campaign into a winning one, when no one else thought I was a viable enough candidate to make it past the primaries. You got much more than to see me in the White House, so please don't insult my intelligence by making it seem like you did this all for me."

"Mr. President, do you know how many calls I got to leave your campaign and go work on others, BEFORE election night ever even came to pass? Do you have any idea how many other men and women were salivating over my work o your campaign and chomping at the bit to have me come work for them next? Do you remember what I told you the first day we met? I am brilliant. I am a master of my craft. I would have started Olivia Pope and Associates regardless of the outcome of the election, and I would still be turning away clients, just as I do today. Sure, your win is a feather in my hat, but understand that my hat has many, many feathers, and you are neither the biggest nor the brightest. I did what I did for one reason, and one reason alone: Because I was in love with you and I wanted this for you. I would have walked through fire for you, and I have many times over. I…I… "

Olivia was spent. She could no longer hold it together and the weight of her confession made her falter. She collapsed onto her sofa and curled up in a ball, weeping and shaking. She couldn't believe that he could still reduce her to tears, after all of this time. She was angry and hurt and ashamed of the fact that she still loved him, in spite of everything that had happened. She had changed some, though. She knew better than to go back into this terrible thing with him again. This time she would be stronger.

So when he moved closer to her, sitting on the end of the couch and pulling her head into his lap, she readied herself for whatever came next.

"So when is the big day?" he asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

"Two months" she said, "September. His decision, not mine."

She knew when he took the sharp intake of breath that he remembered their talks on the trail about their wedding day. She allowed herself to think back to those languid nights in hotel rooms across the country, talking about the life they would have together some day. They talked about a simple summer wedding in the fields of the Grant ranch in front of no more than ten of their closest family and friends. They talked about retiring to a small cottage in the country for their honeymoon, and later raising children and growing old together. Living the simple life of normal Americans. They had dreamed recklessly about the kind of world they could have together one day, without giving any thought to what their lives would actually be like. Never in all of their dreaming had they imagined the pile of secrets and lies that would become their lives.

Finally, the gravity of their situation became too much for them, and Fitz knew it was time to go. As he prepared himself to leave, Olivia grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to her. He knew what she needed before she even asked, and it was the one thing that, no matter what, he would never deny her.

"One minute."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

_Too long we've been denying, now we're both tired of trying_  
_We hit a wall and we can't get over it_  
_Nothing left to relive, it's water under the bridge_  
_You said it, I get it_  
_I guess it is what it is_

_ - "It Is What It Is" Lifehouse_

Olivia and Jake were married in a beautiful ceremony inside his mother's church. It was a tasteful wedding, if not a little boisterous for her liking, and they both seemed to be happy. Unbeknownst to anyone in the party, Fitz had made it his mission to attend the wedding, and to, in his own way, support Olivia on her big day. He stood in the shadows of the balcony of the church, where no one else had been allowed to be, and he looked down on her as she took her vows, fantasizing that it was he who was standing in front of her. Later he watched as she danced and sang with her friends and her new husband, and he felt a wave of sadness overtake him. He missed her, but he understood that things would not be the same between them anymore. With that, he walked away, and allowed her the chance to be happy.

And Olivia was happy with Jake, for quite some time. Months morphed into years, and before she knew it they were getting ready to celebrate their third anniversary with one another. Although it was still several months away, Olivia began preparing a special trip for her and Jake to take as her gift to him. She immersed herself in her planning, as she did everything these days. This, she had found, was the only way to truly keep Fitz off her mind. Sure, she was happy and she loved her husband, but she'd be lying to herself if she said that she wasn't haunted by thoughts of what could have been with the man she once said she would love forever. This was dangerous territory, though, and she did her best to avoid letting her mind go there.

One morning, in the midst of planning and doing some work, Olivia was startled by the sound of her doorbell ringing. Jake was gone for the day, and she had decided to work from home instead of going to the office, wanting a bit of quiet and relaxation that day. When she went to the door, she saw Tom – Fitz's Secret Service agent and right-hand man – standing in front of her, and she nearly fell to the floor. "I cannot handle this right now" she thought to herself, and yet she opened the door anyway, bracing herself for what came next.

Olivia had been prepared to argue with Tom about some arbitrary summons from the President, but stopped short when she saw that he had a letter in his hand. He smiled at her and, before she was able to say anything, presented her with the letter before wordlessly walking away and disappearing from sight. She looked after Tom for a moment, dumbfounded, before closing the door and returning to her desk. She closed her eyes for a moment, relishing in the mixture of excitement and fear that she felt as she held the heavy envelope in her hand. Though she knew rationally the thing on weight a few ounces, in her hands it felt more like a hundred pounds. She knew that whatever was inside was from Fitz, and she wasn't sure if she was strong enough to read whatever it was he felt he needed to say to her. She had long since worked through her feelings of hate for the man, and had let them go as she moved on with her life. The feelings of love that she had for him, though, were compartmentalized deep within the crevices of her mind. There was no way that she would ever be able to stop feeling them, but she had taught herself how to lock them away and ignore them. Pretending that she didn't feel anything for Fitz anymore was as close as she could get to actually not feeling anything for him, and it had served her well enough over the last three years.

She knew that opening this letter would mean letting her guard down enough for all of those feelings to come spewing out again, and she wasn't sure she was ready for that. But then, how could she not at least read whatever it was that he had to say? Gingerly she took the letter and opened it, and began reading:

_Livvie,_

_I've thought long and hard about what I have wanted to say to you over the last few years. I never dreamed that we would get to this point, where we are strangers leading completely separate lives. I always hoped that we would one day, somehow wind up together in the end. Now, I see that we will not. I am glad that you are happy, and I wish you the best in your new life with your husband._

_I also want you to know that you have had a profound impact on me and my life. When I met you, I was a shell of a man. I had no purpose or direction of my own, and I was simply going through the motions of what was expected of me. After we parted ways I went back to that for awhile, but I found that I was not able to, no matter how hard I tried. See, the thing about a love like ours is that it changes you, all the way to your core. You have touched me in ways that you cannot imagine, and have changed me forever. Even now, knowing that you are no longer mine, I still find myself striving to be a better man, to be the man you loved and believed that I could be all those years ago. I've divorced Mellie, and now I'm looking at the end of my Presidency. I am trying to decide what it is that I want to do next, all on my own. Novel idea, huh? _

_I also want you to know that I don't hate you, and I suppose that I never really did. I was hurting for so long because I felt betrayed by the only person that ever really cared for me. What you did… I thought that it meant that you didn't believe in me, that you didn't care about me, and that everything that we shared was a lie. I know that isn't true anymore, because a love this deep is not something that is built in a vacuum. I know because of my love for how much you loved me. I forgive you, Olivia, for what you did, and I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me as well. _

_Whether we ever will meet again, I am not sure. What I am sure of, though, is that I love you, and I will love you, for all of my life. _

_Be happy Livvie, you deserve that._

_Fitz_

Olivia couldn't stop the tears that fell as she read and re-read Fitz's letter. She did love him so much, and to know that he still loved her after all this time was enough to push her over the edge. She had to remind herself that she was a married woman with a wonderful husband, and that she was supposed to be planning a surprise for their three year anniversary. She pulled herself together and busied herself with making more plans.

But Olivia couldn't close that door once she had opened it again. Over the next few days she found herself re-reading Fitz's letter and daydreaming about days' past. At night she slept fitfully, and his face haunted her dreams as well.

If Jake noticed that anything was wrong with Olivia, he didn't say so, and she was sure that all would be forgotten by the time their trip arrived. She threw herself into her work, all the way up until the week before her anniversary and did her best to convince herself and everyone else around her that all was right with the world.

A few days before their anniversary, Jake told Olivia that he would like to exchange gifts early. She was a bit confused, but agreed, and went to grab the itinerary that she had wrapped up for him. When she came back, they each exchanged gifts, each giving each other a document envelope with a bow on top. Olivia opened hers first, sure that Jake had had the same idea as she and hoping that their trips would not overlap in dates.

What she found inside the envelope however, made her stagger and drop it to the floor in horror. Jake had served her with divorce papers!

On the floor reeling, she tried her best to stave off the urge to vomit. How could he have done this to her? Why would he? She thought that he loved her – Why would he not want her anymore?

As she began to break down in sobs, Jake found his way to the floor and wrapped his arms around his devastated wife. He held her close, and allowed her to get out all the anger and hurt that he felt at her gift. He knew that she wouldn't immediately understand, but he did not expect her to fall apart this way.

As she mumbled to herself, lamenting over and over "_Why_?" Jake began to try and explain.

"Olivia, I love you. I love you more than anything else in my life. You have made me a very happy man over the last three years, and I want you to know that every day I look at you and think about how lucky I am that this amazing, beautiful woman is married to me"

"Then WHY, " she sobbed, "Why would you do this to me now? Why would you break me this way? How could you be so cruel?"

"Because you don't love me the same way that I love you. I know that you love me, and I have no doubt that you would be content to stay with me forever. But we both know that I am not the man who comes first in your heart. I've heard you saying his name in your sleep at night, and I see the way you gaze off sometimes when someone says his name. You've never looked at me that way, and I know that you never will. I love you with all of my heart, Olivia, but you and I both deserve better. We both deserve the kind of love that sets us on fire, not just the kind that we can be content with."

"Have you found someone else?" she dared to ask, not that it would hurt any less if he hadn't.

"No, Olivia, I have not. I've been true to you throughout our marriage, and I know that you have been faithful to me as well. You've been a great wife, and everything that I could have wanted in a woman. But I'm not willing to continue cheating us both by keeping us in this relationship that is just 'good enough'. I want better for me, and I want better for you. We love each other, but we aren't IN love with each other anymore, and I'm not entirely sure that we ever were. I know what you had planned for our vacation, and I think that it would be best if you go ahead to the vineyard alone. I'll have everything out of here by the time you get back."

With that, Jake picked her up and took her to the bed, laying her there to rest awhile while he got his overnight bag from the closet. He walked over to her and gently kissed her forehead, thinking that she had fallen asleep. As he turned to walk away, he heard her call after him quietly, "I still love you Jake Ballard."

"I know," he said quietly, "but you love him more."


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Hey guys! I am so excited to have such a great response to my first story! I know some of you were kind of thrown by that last chapter though, but I promise we are getting to the Happily Ever After! Thank you all for the wonderful reviews – I'm thinking only one or two chapters after this one before I finish up. I already have an entirely different story going on in my head…**

**Be on the lookout for a Mellie one-shot I'll be posting tonight or tomorrow as a precursor for my next story that will be titled "Welcome to the Fallout". I haven't decided on a title for the one-shot yet, but you'll probably know it when you see it. Shonda's unexpected three week hiatus has given my mind way too much time to wander… **

**Anyway, enjoy the rest of the story and again, thanks for the support! **

Chapter Seven

_I've been learning to live without you now, but I miss you baby_  
_The more I know, the less I understand_  
_And all the things I thought I'd figured out, I have to learn again_  
_I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter_  
_Because my will gets weak, and my heart is so shattered_  
_But I think it's about forgiveness…_  
_Even if you don't love me anymore_

_- "Heart of the Matter" (originally performed by Don Henley)_

Olivia set off on her anniversary unexpectedly alone. She was still coming to terms with the abrupt (for her) decision to divorce from Jake, but she knew deep down that there was no changing his mind. It was hard to stomach that she had failed in her marriage, and she couldn't help feeling as though she had let everyone down. She had thought at one point that she would be able to love Jake enough to make things work, even though she still loved Fitz as well. Apparently, though, she was wrong.

And now she had all the time in the world to think about just how wrong she had been, while relaxing in the beautiful vineyards on the South Carolina coast. She had made the rash decision to leave her cell, laptop, and any other form of communication in DC while she went on the two week hiatus from her life. Being off the grid felt oddly liberating to her, and she found herself with the ability to think and breathe more freely than she had in ages. She thought about her life and where she, as a 40-something (early forties, mind you) divorcee with no children and little family to speak of, stood now in light of her divorce. Her social circle consisted primarily of her co-workers and a select few friends… she didn't even own a pet.

Still, she was a brilliant and talented woman, with a thriving business and the world at her feet. And she was The Fixer, the woman that the most powerful people in the world sought out to fix their problems, their lives. She cleaned up issues for other people every day of her life – surely she could fix her own.

Deciding that she had waited long enough for her happily ever after, Olivia set about responding to Fitz's letter with one of her own. She wrote for hours, agonizing over the right words to say so that she could make him understand what she wanted and needed him to see. Yes, she wanted him badly, but it was more than just that. What she wanted from him was a fresh start, a way to truly leave everything that was in their past in the past. She wanted a real shot at a good, healthy relationship that they could show to the world, not the bond they had built that was made of lies and secrets. She didn't want to hide anything from him anymore, and she didn't want him to feel the need to hide from him either. She didn't care about what had happened in the past between them – all she was asking for was right now, a real honest start.

After several hours, and copious amounts of the vineyard's finest wines, she had said all she wanted to say to Fitz. Her letter, though surprisingly short in the end, said everything she felt it needed to. She read over it one more time before sealing it in an envelope and putting it out of sight for awhile and heading out on the grounds for an afternoon walk.

Days later, on her way back to Washington, she impulsively decided that she wanted to deliver the letter to Fitz herself, knowing that it might be her last opportunity. She used the phone in her car to dial Cyrus' number. When he picked up, he seemed surprised to hear from her, as their lunches together had gotten few and far between in recent months. Still, when she said that she needed to see "him", Cyrus was more than happy to acquiesce. He told her that he would arrange a few minutes' time later that afternoon, and that she should come by near the end of the day. Olivia thanked Cyrus, and headed home to shower and change.

A few short hours later, Olivia was walking through the front gates of the White House. She passed by the new and familiar faces, making her way past staff and secret servicemen, on her way to Cyrus' office. When she walked in the door, she was immediately enveloped in a hug by the old man, who acted as if he hadn't seen her in years, not just the few months that had passed by. They spent a few moments catching up before he escorted her down to the Oval Office. He knocked on the door and entered, with Olivia hesitating at the threshold.

Fitz looked up at Cyrus, barely acknowledging him as he mulled over some important document on his desk. Yet he seemed to know instinctively from the other man's demeanor that something was different today.

"What do you need, Cy?"

Cyrus looked at the President, smiling impishly before replying, "Oh, nothing sir, I just wanted to bring someone by to see you."

Fitz knew before she walked through the door who the "someone" was, and his heartbeat quickened. He watched the door warily, not wanting to get his hopes up. As Olivia stepped through to the other side, he let go of a breath that he hadn't even known he was holding. Time had been good to her, and if it were possible, he thought she was even more beautiful than she had been the last time he'd seen her. He stood stock still, trying his best not to appear as happy and confused as he felt, and waited patiently for her to make the first move. Somewhere in the back of his mind he registered that Cyrus had excused himself, but he was too bust staring at Olivia to pay much attention.

"Hello, Fitz" she said as she stood before him, hesitant and unsure of herself. He was amused by the perplexed look she had on her face, and he could tell that she was second-guessing her decision to come and see him. He was overjoyed that she was there, but at the same time cautious, unsure of the purpose of her visit.

"Livvie" he said, and she smiled, as if the moniker had somehow put her more at ease. She moved closer to him, her stride purposeful as she made her way across the room. He noticed that she had an envelope in her hand just before she presented it to him. As he took it and began to open it, she placed her hand on his, effectively stopping him.

"Please don't read that until I leave," she said. "I don't know how you will feel or react to what I have said, and I don't think I'm ready to find out just yet. Just, please… give me a few minutes to clear out before you open it."

"Why did you bring it to me," he wondered aloud, "if you didn't want me to open it now."

She smiled a little sheepishly to herself before responding, "Because either way, I wanted to see you."

Seeing her sweet smile was enough to make him comply with her request to wait until she had left before opening the letter. She did not stay much longer, but she did pull him into a tight hug before preparing to depart. He could tell from her breathing that she was beginning to cry, and he was pleasantly surprised to note that she was no longer wearing a ring on her left hand as she brought it up to cover her face. He thought it best not to ask questions, though, and he fought the urge to run after her as she turned and walked out of the room.

Later that evening, just before retiring to his quarters in the residence, Fitz finally decided to open Olivia's letter. He read and re-read the letter several times, pouring over each of her words and trying to make sense of her request. He understood what she was asking, and knew that it was probably in the best interest of them both, but he didn't know how he would be able to agree to this. In the end, though, he decided that he would do this for her, if this was what she truly wanted, and so he went to sleep that night with her words playing over and over again in his head.

_Fitz,_

_I didn't know how to start this letter to you. I find it funny now, that even after all these years, you are the one man alive who has the power to render me speechless, even when you aren't around. I've read and re-read your letter to me countless times, and each time the hurt and the hope ring as true as they did the first. _

_My life has gone through many changes as well since we last spoke. I have married and dealt with divorcing my husband, and am now looking to what life holds for me next. I am not sure what is in the cards for me, or where I go from here, but for once, I'm fine with that. I know – Olivia Pope, the master of planning, doesn't have a plan – scary, right? Ironically, though, I am not afraid at all. That's the funny thing about having nothing left to lose – you suddenly have nothing left to be afraid of anymore. _

_You once told me that in love, there is always room for forgiveness. I understand that now, more than ever. I am so thankful that you forgive me, and I want you to know that I forgive you, too. I love you, Fitzgerald Grant, with every fiber of my being. The love that I feel for you is the kind that people write stories about, the kind that defies all odds. It is true and real and unconditional, and I will carry it in my heart until the end of my days. I am happy simply knowing that you are well, and that somewhere in this world, there is a wonderful man who loves me._

_I would like for us to start again, to give ourselves a real shot this time. I know that this might be a bit presumptuous of me, but, as I said, I don't have anything left to lose at this point. I don't want you to answer right now – there are still a few months left in your presidency, and I want you to leave the White House as honorably as you came in. You may not be married to Mellie anymore, but the rest of the world doesn't know that. I also want you to know that I am not interested in talking things out and rehashing all of the sordid details of our past. The truth is, Fitz, I'm over it. I don't care what you did or what I did – I don't want to start the cycle of keeping score and who hurt who the most anymore. I just want to love you and be loved by you – it really is that simple._

_If you don't want this, or are not sure that you can handle this, then I understand completely. Know that I wish you well in life, and that I will always be here if you need me. But if you do want this – if you still want me and the life that we dreamed of together – then I'd like you to meet me in our spot on Inauguration Day. Don't contact me before then – I want you to have plenty of time to make sure that all business is taken care of and that you are sure of where you want to be. _

_Whatever you decide, you need to know that I love you, and that it's always been you, Fitz. _

_I hope to see you soon._

_Livvie_


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Hey guys – first, please accept my apology for the extreme amount of time between my last update and this chapter. I had a pretty catastrophic event that happened that has taken up a lot of space and time in my mind and life. Unfortunately, writing has had to take the backseat to taking care of my family during this time. **

**Fortunately, though, things are looking up, and luckily the Scandal gods have given me a ton of inspiration – both in the form of excellent episodes, and in reading other members' stories. I'm finally back in my groove, and ready to start on new stories… but of course, I couldn't do that without finishing Full Circle. **

**I know most of my original readers have probably long moved on from this little story, but I hope that those of you who have favorited and followed will come back for the finale, and I hope that new readers enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it.**

**Thanks for everything guys – and now for the HOA!**

Chapter Eight

_Six on the second hand, two New Year's resolutions  
And there's just no question what this man should do  
Take all the time lost, all the days that I've cost  
Take what I took and give it back to you  
All this time we've been waiting for each other  
All this time I was waiting for you  
We've got all this love, can't waste it on another  
So I'm straight in a straight line running back to you_

_All This Time – One Republic_

Olivia stood nervously in the rose garden, pacing in small circles and wringing her hands. Inviting Fitz to meet her here, Sleepless in Seattle style had seemed like a good idea at the time; however, now she feared that she had made a mistake.

What if he didn't show up? What if he didn't love her anymore? What if he'd decided that what they had wasn't enough for him anymore?

All of these toxic thoughts filled her brain and clouded around her, making her feel as though she were choking. Her heart raced faster and faster and she felt the beginnings of a panic attack coming on. She checked her watch again, and, noticing that it was officially six minutes after the hour, decided that it was time to go. Surely, if he were coming he would have been here by now, and she did not want to further embarrass herself by waiting for him longer.

Just as she gathered her things and prepared to walk away from the garden and this part of her life, she saw him step out from the shadows and into full view. Her breath caught in her throat as she looked at the figure before him. How was it that he was able to still take her breath away after all this time. Nearly ten years had passed since the two had originally met, and he still had the same effect on her.

She stood still and let him come over to her, keeping quiet and letting him make the first move. His eyes appraised her for a few moments, silently taking her in before finally opening his mouth to speak.

"Hi."

The one little word – so simple, and yet so meaningful for the two of them.

"Hi." She responded – they exchanged looks of wonder with each other, as if not believing that they were both finally here.

"I got your letter"

"I figured as much – I'm glad you made it."

He chuckled under his breath at the absurdity of their conversation. They had waited the better part of a decade to be with one another, and now that they were on the precipice of a lifetime together, all they could come up with was small talk? He was pretty sure that wasn't how the fairy tales went, and he had long since decided that he and Olivia deserved every bit of their happily ever after.

Deciding that he couldn't wait another second to start on their forever, Fitz scooped her up in his arms, bringing her close to him before delivering what might have been the most passionate kiss he had ever given her. The kiss was loaded with emotions, and all the things that they no longer felt the need to say to each other. In that kiss there was forgiveness, acceptance, love, and hope. It was their new beginning, starting over and starting fresh, and it was exactly what they both needed.

After several minutes of holding each other there in the garden, Fitz looked around to see that the sun was beginning to set. He put her down, not breaking contact as she righted herself and looked up at him.

"What now?" she asked, as if unsure of how to proceed from here.

"Now?" he said, taking her hand in his, "Now, my sweet baby, we go home - together."


End file.
